Coming Home Read online

  Looking back on the summer we blew up like a fire cracker; we took it slow and fast. My other relationships usually slugged alone a morbid pace. But Cam made sure I got the slowness I needed to mend my heart and the passion I needed to move on and be happy. We spent hours talking, going to the movies, had dinner at home where everyone cooked, and lots of fun “adventures” together. One day he planned an “adventure” for us we were driving for hours and hours just talking. I thought we were lost if I hadn’t figured out we had no particular destination.

  We ended up at the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina. We spent all weekend roaming around the beautiful parkways and mountains. We shopped, had picnics, and spent all of Sunday in the Bed and Breakfast appreciating each other’s scenery. He was perfect, thoughtful, and happier than I had ever seen any man; other than my father. The whole crew was getting closer and Momma loved every minute of it. I was still staying with Momma. She didn’t want to be all alone after having a house full all summer. I understood perfectly. Momma was so much fun you actually forgot she was our mother. It was like living in a fraternity house and she was the house mother that saw no problem if grown folks partied. As long as they cleaned up their mess. We all chipped in and painted the kitchen and the living room in Momma’s house. I had to fight her tooth and nail to let me buy her new furniture. But after it arrived she was in love with it. I didn’t want to go back to New York so I paid a packing company to come in and pack up my apartment and ship it to me. Which I must admit I over paid tremendously for that convenience. I called Latonya and told her she could move into my studio apartment for the remaining of the year lease rent free. I knew she would appreciate it; she worked hard for me and I knew her living situation being a single mother was rough. My apartment was in a way safer neighborhood. Note to self: Call the complex and extend the lease for another year. She deserved it. No one but her had called to check on me during my stay in Georgia and it was looking to be a permanent move home.

  My surprise for Stacy came a few weeks ago. It was one of my hardly used cars from back home. Yes, that’s the last one; I owned three, now two. She was still driving that horrible Toyota from years ago that cost her every penny to keep running. She was the talk of the town in her ‘new to her’ Lexus with a sunroof and leather seats. It took some smooth talking to get her to take the gift. She wanted to make payments to me on it. So we settled on an arrangement I was happy with; a dollar a month for a year. She was still crying every time she saw me for unloading a huge burden off her. She was still supporting her elderly parents. Stacy was a midlife crisis baby; so her parents are really old and she was an only child. She needed a lot more happiness in her life.

  We had many cookouts this summer. Devin was happy at the amount of food that was always around due to my ‘extra cash flow.’ I don’t know how Momma afforded to feed that kid. Every night he ate three cows, two hogs, and half a bakery if you let him. Good thing he loved the gym. He kept telling me ‘he didn’t know I had it like that;’ he is such a dork. That’s why I didn’t like bringing up my financial status. It felt good to help everyone, though Cam didn’t let me help him much. I had to explain to him how much I got out of helping people I loved. He usually understood. My monthly cut of the business was getting larger; obviously Kevin was doing better without help from me. And actually I was spending less because things where cheaper here. Hell the cheapest jeans in New York cost as much as a house payment here. You could go to Wal-Mart and buy a pair of Levi’s for under twenty bucks. I forgot how much I loved Levi’s.

  “Mandy your cell phone is ringing!” Momma’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. It was probably one of Cam’s ‘I love you’ texts. Hmmmm the number had a New York area code; but I didn’t know the number. “Hey! It’s been a long time! There is an owner’s meeting and stock holder’s meeting on Sept. 24th! Need you there! –Kevin” Wow he must have a new number. Why the hell did he text me? I already knew through my lawyer about that. Whatever! I texted back, “OK I’ma be there!” I didn’t really want to go back, even for the two days. After this summer it felt wrong. I still had a few weeks till then anyways; maybe Cam could take the two days off and fly out with me. I could use his support or I could even ask Momma. The damned phone went off again. “Great looking forward to seeing you1 Take care!-Kevin.”

  Wow he was actually being nice; he must have a new girlfriend. But anyways I just let that be the last text! I didn’t reply. But as I sat the phone on the wicker outside table a familiar ringtone sounded about how I loved him this big. He had a sixth sense knowing when i needed him. “I got some stuff to make chicken and dumplings for dinner tonight; my favorite cool weather food. See ya in twenty! I love you baby!” Have I mentioned that lately how perfect he was? I went to start some water for the chicken he was bringing and I grabbed some flour for the dumplings. I figured I’d get started; he was probably hungry after a long day at work.

  And twenty minutes later my blonde sexy man walked into the door with smoldering eyes. A total God! He belonged in a book! “Mandy I’ve missed you so much baby all day. I love you so much. God you’re beautiful.” He scooped me up in his big sexy arms. He still smelt of wood even after a shower; all the years at the lumber yard made wood or pine apart of his manly smell. “My whole house smells like you! It’s the best smell in the world.” His eyes looked hungry and I knew that feeling. It’s been a few days and we needed to uummmm…..’reconnect’ soon. I purred during his attack on my neck and my knees went shaky like they did every time he kissed me. “Damn let’s cook or I will not stop mauling you in the kitchen.” I was okay with that.

  Cam walked over and turned the radio on and we started dinner. He was fun to cook with. Momma got a glass of wine and went to sit on the porch and watch us cook. Cam gave me a floured hand smack on the ass. We had flour everywhere; but dinner sure was good. That would be one of my favorite memories of the summer right before my happiness became polluted.

  The next morning I got an express mail package from Kevin with the agenda for the meetings and the quarter’s numbers and charts. Cam was there setting on the couch when I answered and signed for the package. Guess I should tell him now. “Wow what’s in the huge box?” It wasn’t really huge but it was bigger than I’d like. Which meant it was a lot of shit to look over. “It’s an agenda for a meeting I have to attend in New York at the end of the month. You wanna come?” He gave me an ‘I don’t know’ look. “What?” He smiled sheepishly, “I’ve never flew anywhere before; planes scary the hell out of me.” Ohhh my God I found his kryptonite — airplanes. “That’s cool; we could drive it would just take longer!”

  Just then my phone rang. “Hello!” Holy shit Batman. “Yeah I just got it. Haven’t even looked at it yet.” Cam got off the couch. “Hey baby I’ma get off to work now. I love you!” I smiled up at him, “I love you too! I’ll see you at lunch. Yeah?” He nodded yes and kissed me! Shit I forgot about Kevin. “What did you say Kevin?” Cam glanced over at me and I knew that look so I just nodded at him and mouthed I love you! “Well are you busy or can we talk over a few things. I know you don’t exactly work here anymore but you still own the most in the company so I want you to look up to speed in front of the holders!” Ahhhh how thoughtful of the asshole. “Well I will read over it and if I have any problems I’ll call you!” He was reaching for a conversation. “I called your apartment and the phone was off. Is everything okay?” Something has to be up! Why has he gone from stalker, to asshole, to now sympathetic or whatever? “I’ve been in Georgia all summer!” He paused and I heard his throat clear. This was awkward. “Is your mother okay?” Well I guess I could be nice and have a small conversation. “Yeah she is fine I just came here for my friends and family!” I could hear he was ignoring his secretary.

  He must be lonely or stressed. Sometimes stress made him a lot like the old Kevin. “How are your brothers?” He was really fishing because they weren’t close. “Well Devin is going to college for sports medicine and Mitchell’s sma
ll business is doing really good. I’m proud of them both. They both have been loads of fun!” It just came out. Kevin use to be so easy to talk with and at one time they all liked each other. “Wow they really got their stuff together! They are good guys! Hey hold on Mandy this damn secretary is about to drive me damn nuts!” It’s been many many years since he had called me Mandy. I wonder what’s going on over there. I sometimes wish he was the old Kevin.

  “Okay! I’m back! Wish you were in New York; I need a damn good office manager right now! Our business has gone wide the hell open! I need a vacation horribly!” He sounded old and rugged. “I’m sorry I’d come help ya if I could! But I’m really far away!” He sighed, “I know right!” Man why was I feeling sorry for him? “Have you lost some people in the office or are you expanding again?” Hhmmm……did he bite off more than he could chew? “Actually I was tired of all the drama and started letting people go. I mean too many people around here don’t earn their pay checks. When Latonya gets back from her vacation I’m going to give her a raise and make her the main secretary. She has always been loyal!” True. “Yes she has and she could use all the extra money; since she is a single mom!” I had mad respect for her. “She said she was moving and was crying. I was worried! I know she and I aren’t close. I was almost tempted to call you and have you call her. But I don’t know if you two still talked!” Man he never cared about anyone’s personal life unless he was screwing her. And he wasn’t Latonya’s type. “Yeah we talk every day! She is moving into my apartment rent free. She was probably relieved. Her neighborhood is horrible!” He breathed deep, “That’s good! Maybe she can get ahead. That’s really nice of you Mandy. Where are you going to live?” He was always so proper; Mandy sounded awkward coming from him. “In Georgia; I’m staying here with my family and friends!”

  Jesus was this call ever gonna end? “Will you tell Stacy I’m sorry for all those years ago; I was such a bastard. And Mandy I am sorry! My whole life has been one fucked up mess!” Was he on drugs or something? I haven’t seen this side of Kevin since the very beginning. He was gentle, caring, and very giving. I guess fortune and power messes with people. I had such a deep connection with the old Kevin and when I lost my perfect soul mate I grieved him till I didn’t recognize the new man in front of me. “Hey! What has brought on this Texas sized pity party?” He actually laughed; he used to love my southern sayings. “Thanks I needed that!” I don’t know if I was trying to make him feel better or I was back to cornbread Mandy.

  “So spill Kev before I have to leave. I got to be somewhere for lunch!” When he hesitated I didn’t think he was gonna answer me! “Okay Mandy this is hard for me to talk about and you’re probably going to think it’s all lies and shit! But I’m serious!” He got quiet, “Okay go on!” This conversation was getting aggravating; no one has ever had to press this man to talk in his whole life. He must be dying. Shit that was mean! “Okay I haven’t been seeing anyone for about six months because I was going through some boxes in our old home office!” He sniffled. “I found that scrapbook you made me for our one year of dating anniversary! God I cried all night. You’re words, my memories, I screwed up so badly. I loved you so much and I let stupid money come between us. I think I hated being so poor as a child so I set out to get rich. And then I realized I was the richest when I had your love. I hate I hurt you! I miss you terribly!” I was stunned and standing in my Momma’s kitchen crying. My heart hurt so badly. “Do you remember the picture frame you bought me? The one you recorded yourself saying ‘We’re better together! I love you Kevin Eakes’?” God I did. I recorded that bastard after one hundred mess ups and a million of not liking the way I sounded. And then I was mad I bought the stupid frame. But it turned out cute. “Yes I do! It took me hours to get that damn message right!” He chuckled again, “I replaced the batteries twice since that night!” Damn! “Mandy are you crying? Please don’t cry! I don’t want you to cry for me anymore!” My tears came down harder then. What was I supposed to say to him? Maybe I should just hang up now!

  “Kevin I don’t know what to say; what to say to make you feel better or whatever!” He sounded old and tired, “I didn’t tell you any of that for you to console me! I want you to know I was wrong and you were right the whole time. I love you and I miss you. I just wished I noticed it before it was too late. I have loved you since the day I laid eyes on you at that seminar. You’ll always be in my heart. The day I married you was the very best day of my life and the day we divorced was the very lowest my life has ever been. I knew the day you walked out of Dillion’s office and the paper work was legal that I lost my soul. God baby I feel so broken; I’m sorry if I made you feel like I do now! You deserved so much more than this shit! God I love you but I know it has come too late! The very best chapters of my life were about you!” And the line died.

  Momma found me on the floor of the kitchen, resting against a cabinet, crying my heart out just staring at my cell. I was confused and scared just like I was in New York six months ago when I was questioning my divorce. But what part of this could I believe; he didn’t have anything to gain by lying. “Child are you okay?” I jumped when I heard Momma’s voice. “Yeah sure; I’ma go to my room.” I left the room and she yelled, “Is it Cam? Don’t ya’ll have a lunch date?” Fuck! I’d forgotten and I looked like I just got ran over by a semi. “Momma I think I need to find me a good therapist and a cold bottle of Jack!” She snorted, “Looks like you’ve already been to the bottom of a bottle of Jack! What’s wrong?” I sniffled, “Kevin,” and walked to my room. I needed a shower if I was going to be able to face Cam. Maybe the warm water would help.

  Momma scared the shit out of me; she was on my bed I got out the shower. “Do you want to tell me what Kevin said that got you so upset?” How can you explain how deep you felt about someone and even begin to relay that to a third party? Only I know how deeply I loved and was hurt by Kevin. I’d never heard such pain in his voice. No man was that good of an actor. And I’d have to face him at the end of the month. Don’t know if I could do that now. Even Cam’s patch job on my heart was losing the battle. I officially don’t know what the fuck my heart was thinking and my head was hurting terribly. Could this come at a worse time? I was really in live with Cam; but now I even doubted that! But Cam deserved the best; but what if he turned into Kevin; awesome man for a few years then a jerk. I’m losing my fucking mind again; the second time in my life. The first time I lost my mind after splitting with Kevin was horrible. I didn’t eat or sleep or even function correctly. I took a shower and spent the day in bed. I went on like that for weeks; I hit rock bottom and was not in the mood to fight myself back up. I know one thing for sure: I can’t survive that again. That’s the kind of pain you can only live through once. To add fuel to the fire Kevin was my first real love and you NEVER forget those!

  Hell! My life was hell right now. Sometimes mental pain is worse than physical. I’d take a black eye over that phone call any day. “You gonna let me in on the conversation you’re having with yourself?” Momma was way too damn observant sometimes. “Momma I don’t even know where or how to begin. I’ve never heard so much pain in anyone’s voice like I heard in Kevin’s today. I know ya’ll don’t like him, but you got to understand I felt deeply enough about him to marry him. God I don’t know! I don’t want to talk about it till I get a grip!” Momma nodded, kissed my head, and walked out the door. I had forty-five minutes to make it to Cam. Where was a ‘Bless her heart’ when I needed one

  I thought I did a great job of hiding my overly red eyes; but I guess I didn’t. Cam looked uneasy eyeing me with a weak smile crossing the diner to his booth. “Hey my beautiful baby; what’s up?” I always loved how he asked things without pressuring you to answers. But how much could I actually tell him? I know I could unload on him and he’d help me make sense of it. But why spread my pain to another heart. “Honestly I had a weird conversation with Kevin today and I guess some things he said are bothering me!” Okay that was vague. “Well
spill it and we can discuss it! Things make better sense out loud.” He came and sat on my side of the booth and held me in his arms. He was really what I needed. I believe so? Hell I don’t even trust myself right now. Maybe I should get away for a couple of days. I need to get my life in perspective.

  Maybe Cam was too young for me? Maybe I should go back to Kevin? Damn he was waiting there so patient. I let him pull me tighter in his arms. “Stop thinking and start talking.” My voice was a mere whisper, “Kevin said he missed and loved me. He said he was sorry for the pain he caused me. For the past six months he has been alone watching videos and looking at pictures. He sounded so miserable and his voice was full of pain. I’ve never heard him like that in the six years I’ve known him!” Tears where silently sliding down my face, “I hate I caused him that pain. I’ve been there! No one deserves that torture!” He just held me tighter. “Baby I have the rest of the day off! Let’s go back to my place and talk!” I just nodded my voice was gone and let him pull me up and out the diner.

  He didn’t look upset; he just looked worried about me! Hell I was worried about my sanity at this point. I followed his truck while the radio played the saddest song ever. Hell that was my IPod. Sometimes being a fan of sad songs sucks! He was out and pulling me out the car before I had the engine stopped. “Come here baby I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day already! It kills me to see you so sad! This might not help but I love you Mandy!” He was right it just confused me. But he was the man I was in love with maybe four hours ago. Fuck Kevin and his bullshit he was probably playing me. Maybe something was up with the company. I’m just gonna push it out my mind and go love on my perfect boyfriend. This crying shit was getting old quick. Finally, inside I made it to his room, kicked off my shoes, and dove under his covers. His bed was warm and safe; just like him. “Can I join you? Or is this a party for one?” I smiled, “Yes you can! After all you’re my boyfriend and this is your bed! So get your hot ass over here!”